Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize