peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
