look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
His nipple licking is glorious
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