I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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