Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
