hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
