Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
