Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize