yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
