i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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