Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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