Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize