Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
