When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
