maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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