so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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