Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
