she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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