Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
