so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
