Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
