I wish my penis had an off switch
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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