that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
