Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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