I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
