I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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