operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
