I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You are a genius and a whore.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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