I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
