im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize