just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize