Girls should come with a carfax report
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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