Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
