I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
