I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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