love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize