How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
