I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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