I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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