you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
