then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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