Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
