and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
