Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
