Michael Bay diarrhea
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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