I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
