GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
