Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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