Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
