I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
