I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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