my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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