Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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