I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
