We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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