When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
