Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
