a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
