He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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