Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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