I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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