that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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