In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
