So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
