I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
