i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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