So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think your dad took our porno
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
