I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
