i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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