True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize