i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize